It's only in a world that you have constructed that you have the right to destruct; now do you dare destroy?

All that isn't real
all that you orchestrated
piece after jigsaw piece that was set in their right place

All that you regret
all that makes you cringe
words and glances you can never erase

All that is sad
all the burden on your back
bruises and tears that perennially hold you back

All that is vile
all that lives by sucking out your marrow
screams and whispers that haunt from the graveyard

Are all yours to destroy were you the mighty creator.

Thus I am putting an end to this old blog and moving on to wordpress. Find me at https://iwalkthelongroad.wordpress.com/  The can't-call-me-n00b-anymore blogger that's me can't find a way to deactivate this blog.

Acknowledgment:
Thanking Pink Floyd for Eclipse.
Thanking John Irving for semicolons. 

Once

She once wrote poetry
in the pages of a pristine book
adorned it with a petal from her garden
carefully blew off the dew and walked away

He wanders in a library
opens the now decrepit book
reads those words in the fading twilight
runs his fingers across one last time and walks away

The spark was only ephemeral
brightly lit up the world while it lasted
but the rose petal is nowhere to be found
for it is long lost in the annals of both space and time

Song in my head: Pendulum by Pearl Jam

Of Humans

We ache for a human connection
For a hand to hold when dancing with the waves
For an ear to whisper as we lie on the sand
Under the blanket of a thousand stars in a distant beach

We tread mighty mountains on blistering feet

Desiring to brighten someone else's day
In return seeking mere acknowledgment
Often in vain, in all wrong places

We yearn to come home into arms that clutch strong

To love so much that it hurts sometimes
To trust someone enough to let them free
And to know we will be missed when we truly leave

We strive too hard to touch another soul

To leave behind footprints on the sands of time
But all it takes to erase those fragile prints permanently
is one paltry wave. (Behold!)

Now playing: If you want me by Marketa Irglova and Glen Hansard

2014 Goodreads Reading Challenge: Part I

I had set myself a seemingly impossible target of reading 42 books last year. It was a miserable failure as I ended up reading less than a third of that. So I decided to tackle the same goal again this year and attack it from the first month. Halfway through the year, with a good collection of non-fiction and literary fiction in my shelf I haven't disappointed myself. (And that is saying a lot.)

Here is a list of the books that I have read in the past 6 months, and a few lines or more if the book left a lasting impression. Writing reviews is not among my few fortes, hence the post will not be of much use to the reader except as an insight into my great mind. In other words, this post will not be of much use. 

1. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Frankl is an Auschwitz survivor and a psychiatrist, and the book is a bit of both. His portrayal of the daily life inside the Nazi concentration camps was as powerful as I expected. I skimmed past the psychiatry part of the book fast.

2. I promise Not to Suffer: A Fool for Love Hikes the Pacific Crest Trail by Gail D. Storey

I grabbed this book on a whim from the New Arrivals section of my library. It is an account of a 50 year old woman who hiked the PCT with her husband. In this book, I found a new love for California and the whole of West Coast.

3. Moon Tiger by Penelope Lively

Ah, the first heart-breaker of the season. Random notes from when I was reading the book: "Claudia comes across to me as being quite bitter. A tiny reflection of myself perhaps? Is this how I'll become at the end? A grumpy woman who believes she has seen it all and dismisses anyone less stronger.."

This Man Booker prize winner is narrated by Claudia, a war correspondent who looks back from deathbed at bits and pieces of her life. Initially, I found Claudia to be very conceited, and the book to be too rambling but it became more coherent as it progressed. At the heart of her character Claudia is agonizingly human, despite what her bitter exterior shows. I dearly wish that I would feel toward another being something akin to that which is described in these lines.

"She sits there half-asleep, seeing little, just his hand on the driving wheel, a brown hand with a scatter of black hairs between wrist and knuckles; forty years on, she will still see that hand."

4. The fault in Our Stars by John Green

A teenage love story with many honest moments that surprised me into giving it a 4-star rating.

5. The Cider House Rules by John Irving

Another chance find in the library that blew my mind, a stellar work on abortion, orphanage life and to a lesser extent on infidelity and molestation. I recommend it to anyone looking for a classic that is more relatable than your typical Dickens. Strong characters - check; controversial themes attacking society's morals - check; powerful language - check. 

Some of its lines hit me straight in the gut, and they hit hard. A testimony to the language part:

"What is hardest to accept about the passage of time is that the people who once mattered the most to us wind up in parentheses." 

6. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

A highly regarded tale of African culture that I did not find to my taste.

7. A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail by Bill Bryson

I took another stroll in the American forests, this time on the East Coast. Bryson proved to be an entertaining and knowledgeable guide.

8. Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

The book spoke to me more than the movie did. And the movie had Eddie Vedder's music.. I can envisage myself reading this tale of young McCandless walking alone into the Alaskan wild many more times. 

9. The World According to Garp by John Irving

This international bestseller about the fictional life of a feminist and her bastard son who becomes an accomplished writer challenged my views on extremism, feminism, sexuality and infidelity. But at its most tragic moments I was left rolling my eyes at the comedies of life. It was not an easy read but it was well worth the time! My respect for Mr. Irving's writing grew manifold with this. 

10. A Sliver of Light: Three Americans Imprisoned in Iran by Shane Bauer

A true account of three Americans imprisoned in Iran. Quite disarming.

Here is an excerpt.

11. The Swell Season: A Text on the Most Important Things in Life by Josef Skvorecky

I decided to read this book because of the band 'The Swell Season' whose name was inspired by this book. The book will probably not appeal to you unless you are looking for stories of a lustful, Jazz loving teenage boy in Czechoslovakia during WWII.  

12. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot

A mildly informative book about the origin of the immortal HeLa cell line, not as much about Henrietta as I'd wish.

13. Ten Days in a Mad-House by Nellie Bly

A very short and brilliant read. A journalist cheats her way into a mental institution to procure an inside account; and what she finds shocks the world (all but the cynical ones).

14.  A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

Dave Eggers is a novelist, publisher and also a philanthropist. In this memoir he paints a poignant picture of his early adulthood in San Francisco which revolved around being a guardian for his 8-year old brother, after they lost both parents to cancer. Don't be fooled by the pompousness of the title, the book is a terrific run through Eggers' mind.

15. The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales by Oliver Sacks

Intrigued by the title I started reading Dr. Sacks' collection of case studies of his patients with neurological disorders. It turned out that I was not too interested in neurology.

16. 1984 by George Orwell

I finally got to reading 1984, George Orwell's dystopian novel about socialism gone wrong. The book is a classic for a reason, it is still relevant in 2014. 

17. Animal Farm by George Orwell

A review described it as a children's version of 1984, I agree. I enjoyed the book nevertheless.

My favourite: Moon Tiger

One book that I'd recommend unless you are Deepti: The Cider House Rules 

One book that I'd recommend if you are Deepti: Read the whole damn list. Wherever it differs from yours ;)

Next in my reading list:

1. Cool Gray City of Love: 49 views of San Francisco

2. Love in the Time of Cholera 

3. The Bridges of Madison County

And I dream on

I have spent several hours pondering on growing old, the latest occasion being a few weeks ago when I was walking on a deserted beach.

At a point when there are many more decades behind me than ahead, would regret be the foremost thought in my mind? Would I still shrink my face in disgust that regret should be the first emotion that I even consider?

Would my path be partaken by some stroke of luck leaving memories of contentment to withhold? Would I still be a dreamer of improbabilities? Or would I have lived long enough for one such thing to cross over into the realm of reality by sheer statistics?

The only thing I'm certain about is that I would still be a crazy over-thinker :)

Anyway, if I have a chance I'd love to come back to this place on a day when panicking about bug reports is a thing of the past. I'd watch the sunset from this very bench, with a glass of wine to accompany me. Or whiskey if I'm particularly feisty that night. Mark Knopfler's Rudiger would surely be playing. As the sun sinks into the Pacific, I'd hit replay and close my eyes.

And hence I dream on!

P.S. @Aravinth: Me: 1 | Stereotype: 0  

A weekend at Yosemite

Third time's the charm, they say. There is no such adage about the fourth time, but does the writer not hold a license to modify these to cater her writing needs and avoid resorting to additional clauses? Case in point: It is my fourth time at Yosemite National Park; or the third time in less than a year, to use the third-time-charm-thing. I am resting on a rock, legs stretched ahead, debating with myself the can's and can-not's of a novice blogger. I shield my eyes from the bright sun as I look up straight at the sky. The sound of the water gushing through small rocks on its way to the eventual fall is quite reassuring and the idea of another post takes shape in my mind.

Let's go back a week in time to one of my run-of-the-mill Monday mornings in the lab. For most part of the hour left between e-mail replies and lunch I am switching furiously between social networking sites. After "productively" wasting several minutes in discovering Murat Morrison's blog on Quora, I check my Twitter feed and leap in excitement at this.

The greatest lookout of the natural world, Glacier Point, will open at noon in @YosemiteNPS: http://t.co/RmIQEpXrXv pic.twitter.com/a6HYK4S9l2

— SFGate.com (@SFGate) April 14, 2014

At once I call my roommate and we waste no time in sketching out the weekend plans. A few days later we start to Yosemite early (for a particularly bad hangover) Saturday morning. A seemingly never-ending drive later we reach the national park late afternoon only to find a throng of people and a panic attack. We attribute the crowd to spring break and the onset of an early summer; the panic attack to discovering that we don't have with us a memory card for The DSLR. 

While we make salvaging plans that included, potentially, a 2 hour drive to the nearest Walmart, we realize that we don't have enough time to find parking, catch a shuttle and then start on a hike. Unfazed, we alter our (non-existent) plan and head to Glacier Point. En route we stop at the Bridelveil falls which reaffirms my ability to slip on firm ground and my fear of loud kids.

Once we get on the Glacier point road everything is suddenly very silent. We pull over at the first trailhead that we encounter and meet a short trail to the Sentinel dome. The trail was perfect - hardly any people, patches of snow, expansive views of the valley, did I mention there were no people?

In case the reader has noticed, yes, that is a photo of a random road taken from inside the car and does not bear any significance to the trail.

Around sunset we reach Glacier Point, possibly the most beautiful place I have ever seen. I am out of words now and urge this picture that I stole from Wikipedia to say a few on my behalf.

We laugh at the full 4G AT&T coverage 3200 feet above the valley and I silently thank my friend for being there, for sharing my travel instincts, for making no fuss when plans invariably go wrong.

The next morning we start early, after I wake up from a dreadful dream involving violent dogs, unruly teenage boys and tragic hope for impossible futures. Now equipped with The Memory Card we stop at the quintessential Yosemite photography spot, Tunnel view.

Our next stop is the crux of the trip, the guitar solo of a 70's rock song, if you will. The Mist Falls! The trail starts with a short mildly steep stretch adorned with breathtaking views of mountains of granite. We then climb a few hundred steps with every step I am worried of slipping down and breaking an ankle. As we climb closer to the falls we get drenched in its spray. Talk about beautiful! I don't understand how I have been to Yosemite thrice without coming here, one of the most crowded hikes in the park. 

That's where I am now. The top of this falls.

I experience a multitude of emotions, deep respect for the mountains shaped by ice age glaciers standing tall against all tests of time; gratefulness for my own fortune to be in a place five thousand miles away from home, and love for a beloved friend whom I miss the most of all. For now this will suffice. No more thoughts, no more alarms.

Song in my head: Wherever there is light by No-Man.

I should have known!

We once strolled along the same trail
one we didn't share, one for which we didn't quite care
to walk away from the path, never did we ponder
deliberately unaware, of the treasure that lay yonder.

When we reached the inevitable fork our paths drifted

I tried to scale new heights, sliding down many slopes
you were always there to silently support
picking myself up, I knew we had grown better rapport

Our roads are now a long way apart
I peer backwards, trying to look through the past
the search for old records ends in a prized find
as the memory of a cheerful voice fills my mind

So high in drama, surely I should have known
that we had no choice but to end up good friends.
"The word starts with G and ends with L
such obscenities you'll never hear me spell"

Song in my head: For absent friends by Opeth

The view from another side

"Hear the sound of their laughter ringing in the air, aren't they a merry party today? Let's walk with them for a while", I suggest. "Why, you ask? No reason, my dear! We don't have anything better to do for a few hours, do we? Come on now, we will have no trouble catching up with their slow pace."

We follow them at a distance as they cross a bridge. You say suddenly, "Look at the full moon shining ever so brightly! How beautiful its reflection is in the lake! If I stand close to the rails, I can even feel the breeze on my face." In your excitement, you stumble and knock off a bicycle that falls down clanging loudly. "Don't worry, the girls are unaware of our presence. They will not turn around", I reply to your relief. You are young, after all. In our world you haven't even come of age.

It is surreal, the girl with a ponytail exclaims. The red-haired girl runs up to her and clings to her arm. 

One girl drinks something that she finds quite delectable. "It has chocolate and coffee and vodka! Beat that!" The girl on her right is unconvinced, she wouldn't touch the drink. You wonder aloud, "Are they playing some game? I don't understand. They seem to be happy one minute, and hate each other the next". "Ah! These humans are a very insecure race", I reply with wisdom.

They take in familiar sights, and trod on well worn out paths. They recount old stories to gales of laughter. The girl in the green dress realizes with a pang that she has to leave soon. She scribbles a hurried note, jabbering of memories to cherish. She wishes that their last hug will last a tiny moment longer. She gently pries her fingers away from her friend's hand whispering that there is never enough time.

I see kindness in your eyes when you say, "Aren't the young ones lucky to have each other?" I laugh heartily. "Hold my staff, child. We have another place to visit before the day breaks. A postman near Belgrade is out of means to send his daughter to school."

Now losing my mind to Radiohead. Breathe, keep breathing..

One more time

The days I've known you are short
an open book, my mind to you from the start
a face or two, I have seen of your gales
Ah! The few glimpses proclaim many tales

You crossed paths with a few strange men
the stories would fill many pages when you decide to pen
your affection once touched a nerve
Ever so profuse and infectious, is your verve

Akin to me in quite some ways
full of life, charming on most days
beloved friend, so willfully stronger
you inspire me like no other

Yet a million memories threaten havoc
as a pang of warning creeps down the pit of my stomach
wishing for more than stark rhyme
I go through the motions one more time.

Song in my head: Infallible by Pearl Jam

The West Coast: A Sampler

I was chatting with a friend a few days back. The conversation, once edited heavily in my favour, went like this.

Friend: Start some random conversation. I'm bored. Stressed. And depressed.

I (reaching for my phone first thing after I woke up): Hey! The first topic in my mind. Hmm, Pacific Northwest!

Friend (in all probability, banging head on the wall, thinking): Again, why am I friends with her?

I (hiding my face under a pillow in shame, assuring myself): It's really early for a Saturday. I read a lot of geography yesterday, that explains it.

I: You can tell me to change the topic, if you want.

Friend: No, go ahead.  

I: The Pacific Northwest region roughly includes parts of Northern California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho and the Canadian state British Columbia.  

Friend: By the way, why is it still called British Columbia?

I (completely ignoring the question): This region has several mountain ranges including Cascade range, Coast mountains, and Rocky mountains. The Cascades have very dense vegetation. Due to the proximity to the Pacific ocean, the Cascades experience heavy snow and rainfall every year. There are also many active volcanoes here, the Cascades are a part of the Pacific Ring of Fire. The tallest peak in the region is Mount Rainier which I visited last fall. Wikipedia says that the largest single season snowfall in the world was recorded in Mount Baker. I'm finding that hard to believe for some reason.

Friend: Why haven't you shared these pictures yet?

I: I'm lazy... Well here is one.

This place is called Reflection lake.

Friend: Serene! It's hard to think of snow and vegetation together.

I: The trip was so much fun, we were driving and driving. A couple of my friends flew from Austin and three of us flew to Portland from SF. It's another interesting story, but that's for another day.

Friend: Why don't you blog about all this! Why does it always have to be about that venna Vedder? * (venna = idiot/waste fellow)

I (mumbling rhetorically): I don't know, nobody reads.

I (Failing to notice the slight on my favourite musician): Anyway, back to the Northwest. What else do I know about the place?

Friend: The area? Population?

I: Washington and Oregon are politically very liberal. Washington has legalized medical marijuana. The major cities in the Pacific Northwest are Seattle, Portland and Vancouver.

(And then it hit me) Wait, the music scene in Seattle is spectacular. In the late 80s, Seattle gave birth to a subgenre of alternative rock called grunge. It was inspired by hardcore punk and heavy metal. Bands like Soundgarden, Nirvana and Pearl Jam became hugely popular and contributed to the commercial success of grunge.

Friend: Oh! Nirvana too. So, how does grunge compare to metal? Less noisy?

I: Mostly, and less growling.

Friend (laughing out loud): Better description.

I: Soundgarden was the first grunge band to sign a major record label. Its lead singer is this guy, Chris Cornell.

Friend (laughing again): I'll look him up. Long hair?

I: Of course. Check out the songs 'Flutter girl', 'Like a stone', 'Be yourself' (the latter two by the supergroup Audioslave) and the theme from the movie Casino Royale 'You know my name'.

Friend: Oh, that was him!?

I: Yes. (Continuing) On our trip to Rainier, we took a five hour detour to visit the city called Aberdeen, the place where Nirvana's Kurt Cobain was born and grew up. The city pays tribute to the late singer by installing this sign, a reference to one of his songs.

I: Anyway, back to the geography lesson. Let us now venture south of the Cascades.

Friend: South, yes! I'm ready.

I: The next big mountain range we cross is the Sierra Nevada. Fondly known as the High Sierra, the range is famous for towering Sequoia trees and the California gold rush among other things. The famous Yosemite valley was sculpted by alpine glaciers from the ice age.

Friend: A valley from the ice age! It's getting better.

I (rambling incoherently): Yes, it is very beautiful. Wilderness campers and backpackers are wary of the bears this region inhabits.

I: The lack of water in Yosemite falls is indicative of this year's drought.

South of Sierra lies the vast Mojave desert, the driest and hottest place in North America.

Friend: Oh yeah, there is a game that I play! With the cowboys, snakes and tiger lilies.

I (the narcissistic bad-friend that I am): Death Valley has the highest recorded temperature on earth.

Friend (probably angry by now): Oh!

I: Bad water basin in Death valley, at 282 feet below sea level, is the point of lowest elevation in the US. Anecdotally, the highest elevation in continental US is Mt. Whitney which is less than 100 miles from bad water basin.

I: And this is all in California.

Friend: Great place, California is.

I (Is he still angry? Is that sarcasm?): Moving closer to the coast, there are numerous mountain ranges that form the Coast Ranges. Big Sur coast is famous for the windy segment of the highway CA-1 along the coast, where the sheer cliffs drop down to the ocean.

In conclusion, yes I have fallen in love with California and the whole of west coast. In its diverse landscape. In the primal beauty it showcases...

Friend: <Silence>

Yeah, that must have been sarcasm. He was a great listener.. He said he was depressed!

* Dear friend,

If you are reading this, I regret to inform you that I can no longer consider you my bff**, now that you have opened up about your true feelings for Eddie. It's over.

Plays in head: It's all over but the crying by Garbage.

**The BFF spot is now open. Floyd lovers, Nickelback*** haters, and rich people who go to one or more concerts per month and are willing to buy me tickets fairly often may apply.

***I don't really hate Nickelback. It was them or Taylor Swift and I didn't want her in the same sentence as You-Love-Who.

OK, I am just kidding about the spot being open. Not just because of the Europe invite!

Strikes a chord

Possibly the most beautiful song I have heard is 'Echoes'. The song is like a fucking poem!

"Cloudless everyday you fall upon my waking eyes
inviting and inciting me to rise
and through the window in the wall
come streaming in on sunlight wings
a million bright ambassadors of morning!"

Mind-blown! What is it that has won me over? The lyrics or the music or the entrancing vocals? After 23 minutes of ethereal beauty the song always leaves me wanting for more. I believe this is how addiction would feel like!

What's happening?

It has been quite some time since I wrote a long post. Or talked to someone. Or did some significant work at office. Or read a long book. Or took myself seriously. I wonder why.

On my best friend's birthday I could hardly speak anything after the customary happy birthday. As I stood in the corridor outside my lab trying hard to make a non-mundane conversation happen, I realized I had succeeded in becoming truly alone.

I have disconnected myself from all semblances of relationships. Until this phase in life, there were always a few people to whom I could pick up the phone and talk as if just a day, not months, passed from when we previously spoke. But at some point of time in the recent past, I seem to have drifted farther and farther. The elastic band which always brought me back to the center by its recoil seems to have broken finally.

I do not have too many thoughts in my head these days. From being a person with multiple layers of intertwined thoughts that served as my bane on a daily basis, I am now moving on to 'not having too many thoughts'. I suppose this is a significant achievement, though I am clueless about its origins. If I had something to focus on, like a final exam or a class project due in a week, I would probably do it good justice without any distraction. But now that I don't have any pressing concern (refer the part where I say I haven't done significant work at office in a long time), I am a little lost.

Earlier, I used to have a variety of emotions close to the surface. There was a band/book/TV show that I absolutely loved to the very core (EddieVedder/LoTR/House was the fucking best thing that ever happened on the planet, EVER). I constantly held a grudge or two (but she promised she would call back 2 years, 6 months and 11 days ago, and that was only the 6th time she forgot). I vehemently hated a few wrong things that some stupid people do (there is no sane reason that a hostel can dare impose a different set of rules on men and women, and the worst part of it all was the girls and their parents who aided these decisions by abiding them. and this was the REASON the college sucked, the country remained backward). I could go on, but I think you get the point.

But now I don't have too much feelings. I am more at peace with myself and the world. Maybe I am just happy, instead of the usual binary euphoric or depressed? This is new.

Well, things are rolling. Let's see where this wave takes me.

Wait a minute! Strike out the part when I talked about Eddie in the past tense. Because, Ed IS the fucking best thing that ever happened on earth! I saw him twice, in a month. Me and a friend, glazed eyes, hoarse throats, all reason lost as he started with Pendulum. I heard him sing black. I was a part of the crowd that sang betterman as he watched along. Love you, Ed!

Now playing: Nothing is playing, didn't you read the post? (rolling eyes) I am in a state of temporary inaction!

In Retrospect

She answered the door and found an old friend
They rested on a swing in the porch
she leaned on her withered shoulders
letting old memories flow unbridled

She remembered when she was young
racing her little brother in the front yard
her mother watched with adoring eyes
declaring them both winners under the fading light

when she played with cowrie shells
building castles in construction sand
falling asleep on grandma's knees
as the old woman told her tales of revered snakes

Bedtime stories from father were rare but rich
She spent nights huddling with her sisters
Through long talks they passed their wisdom
and crowned her queen of the terrace kingdom

Times when she shone like the sun
wearing her heart on her sleeve
she loved the greatness that went by the name Eddie
she watched a humble champion score his last runs

She traveled miles to see shiny cars
go round and round screeching under the scorching sun
she grimaced at a missed chance
to see a legend play The Wall live

Then she grew older and life got meaner
ugly souls she was lost among
Amid the clamor she found one day
a heart of gold that swept her off the feet

She thought of the first time he kissed her brow
his stubble prickling her cheeks
his moist eyes when she promised she would marry him
the last words he whispered in her ear

There was a tear in her eye, not one of pain
alone but not lonely
A content woman it was
that they laid to rest that night.

The clock keeps ticking, and I go back to the present tense. I promised to write something positive, hope I did justice to that. This was inspired by a friend's post on how life would be, looking back from the end. Now playing: Rudiger by Mark Knopfler 

Now what?

How do you let go
when you look down the cliff at the raging waves
Your hands are fiercely clutching
the last length of nothing

Which way do you go next
like the small nail stuck in a wheel
not sharp enough to cause lasting hurt
deep enough to impede the passage

What should you hope for
Heed the kind that teases you
it can silently suffocate, remember
Not all hope is good hope

Knopfler croons in sweet consolation
Floyd seals the trust, working the stupefying charm
Cobain screams in gut-wrenching desolation
Vedder growls, eyes reeking of empathy

You talk in cliches while the empathy kills.

Now playing: Good days by Joe Purdy

The Wait

One little token of acknowledgment
was all that she longed for
she had thrown all caution into the winds
sold herself out to those few words

With bated breath she waited
she could neither drink nor eat
joy and sorrow blended into unfamiliar numbness
the moment she surrendered the last ounce of her self

A slight prod was immensely alluring
just a stretch of a hand away
prevailed an ephemeral respite
With a bitter fight she held the resolve of silence

Laid her soul naked in vulnerability
days and nights she waited in vain
a teeny nod in her direction
how was it too much to ask!?


Now playing: Time

Here is a wistful response.

Alas, I don't have with me that which your heart seeks
the perfect future is naught but a happy dream
so dear to me I hold you still
I flinch in dismay at your lost hope

Caught warily in this spectacle
I know not how to soothe you
when every look could lead you to misfortune
when a single act could drown you in spurious hope

Oh! if words are all you want
a thousand poems I'd adorn you with
if a touch of your arm would go a long way in relief 
I'd hug you close and hold you for a while

Antagonizing the world

Too many people have told me that this one needs some context :)
This is about how people move on, change their priorities and forget promises. As you life goes on you begin to wonder if it was you who read things wrong and begin to the doubt what you perceive to be real in the present. You overcome all petty concerns and move on too. You choose to be indifferent to everything, but what do you achieve?


Promises to meet this time for sure
Waned like Hermione banished them
Oh what did that leave you with
If not regret and self-reproach

The hand you held strong
As you conquered the mountain of fear
The kiss of hope and love
Did you lure yourself to think it was real?

The one shoulder you lean on tonight
The very picture of the top layer of melting ice
You will find the cracks early in the dawn
Firm ground you can trust, they said

You walked alone the long winding path
Through the land of mist and daze
Trod loose stones with care
Left the last hurdle behind and walked far

You flirted with that sheer veil
The veil that harbored you in reality
Crossed the lines you drew long ago
Met your doom in your unbridled dreams

Indifference you befriended as you lined the wall with lead
Not the iron fist nor the sugar coated knife
Could make you soar into the stars or silently wail
You antagonized all the world, but to what end?